Monday, October 16, 2006

How to have a Happy Monday

Monday - again?
There's one thing for sure, someone has arranged these things so that Monday come around pretty regularly, why, maybe even once a week.
What's going on?
Is this a sort of conspiracy?
Who's in charge?
Whoever, it is, they've managed things pretty well this year, at least as far as days are concerned.
Talking of managers, isn't it strange how everybody seems to yearn to be in charge of at least one other person?
Now, me, I'm self-employed, so, strictly speaking, my only employee is myself.
Don't thing that makes life easy!
He's one heck of a bad worker. Always arriving late, no Dress Code, cheeky, takes long lunch breaks.
I can't seem to get a decent day's work out of him.
Hmm, I think I might have to take my employee to an Employment Tribunal, for a bit of Disciplinary Procedure.
Ooh, er.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Tripe Pickers Journal

Remember me when I'm gone

One thing you can say for sure, is that there's a lot of Scantleburies out there on the internet.
One of the most famous is Uncle Larry.
Only problem is that he's passed on.
Why, oh why, do you have to kick it before they notice you're there?

Apparently, according to bloggers, Larry Scantlebury was being chased for file sharing.
Hmm, bad crime.
Somewhere between bank robbing and parking on a yellow line.

Now all I have to worry about is if anyone notices my misdemeanours.
I mean, I'm sure I used a double negative in 1978.
I might even have thought a tautology last year.
And don't get me started about split infinitives -

But this is getting me worried.
Someone said that Elvis is selling more records today than he did in the early '70s.
People call it a 'good career move'.
Do you think - no.
It's not possible that Uncle Larry might have snuffed it for commercial reasons.
That's just selfish.

Well, keep an eye on my web site, fellahs.
If I get run over tomorrow, sales will blossom.

Pass the hemlock.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Tripe Pickers Time Travel

Monday, again

Monday, again.
How come it's always the start of the week?
No, wait a minute. Problems with the digital transgference wave-ride chronometer.
My mistake. It's Sunday.
Oh, well, at least the two days rhyme. If it was Thursday, I'd be really confused.
What I don't understand is that 'Sunday' seems to be named after the sun, but if Monday is named after the moon, then why isn't it called 'Moonday'?
We wouldn't have half so many problems. Can you imagine Bob Geldof singing "I don't like Moondays"??
It's not the same.
Meanwhile, it's been a busy week out in cyberland.
The wires of the internet have been humming with traffic. I've had two visitors to my new web site this week, one on Weds and one on Fri, and the problem is I think it's only me!
How come all these promotional tools promise you traffic, but it doesn't arrive?
I'm talking about
I've just installed one of my old SF novels from the '80s. (If you're old enough to remember 'Tripe Pickers' Journal', you might be old enough to remember the novel about global warming. Yeah, really.)
That's called predicting the future.
Hey, if I could do that, I would know what was coming for lunch, right?
I have no idea.